Malls Malls

Mumbai is turning in a mall city and no doubt. Mumbais favourite song? 'Mall mall mein hum tu karein dhamal!'

By the weekend there are a thousands of people pouring through the doors of each one - spilling out onto the walkways and lining up at the security check.

The latest and hep-est one is no doubt the Oberoi Mall at Goregaon East - just off the highway. If you haven't yet been to see it, you should NOW. I can't tell you the colour of the building - because it is ever changing. No really, it does change every few seconds. Someone has brilliantly created a edifice that stands out in the night reflecting different colours, giving that feeling of celebration and life that we associate with Diwali.

The mall is spacious enough that you don't feel overcrowded, even though there are people streaming through it. It offers something for everyone in the family and I can't wait for the bookstore to open. Crosswords is under construction on the top floor.

The foodcourt is fabulous with the standard as well as the unique food fare available. Restaurants like Kailash Parbat and Sanskriti make their presence felt in every single mall. But Falafel, KFC, Crepetia and Sizzlers are not available everywhere for sure.

For those with kids to entertain over the holidays, the kids videogames and fun section is there on the top floor, buzzing with activity. Definitely a place for family to enjoy.

Baggage worries

This reporter friend of mine is a very helpful friend.
I have been grapling with achieveing fame in Bollywood and have had very little success so far. Afterall in this city of big dreams and small Shakeels

I was there on Page 3 a couple of times. It was me, holding drinks and standing behind Dharmendra and a sinfully happy Hema. It was my back visible behind the photo of an unhappy Kat on her birthday. My reporter friend tells me, it is just not enough.

'You need to travel, babe' he says shaking his head sadly - because he knows I can’t afford it right now.

What’s the point in traveling? Will it make me famous?

'Haven’t you seen the papers recently?' he asks twirling his bloody drink.
‘Fame is all about losing your baggage with all your belongings which you just can't do without on the flight,’ he says.

But, isn't it common sense to carry change of clothes on hand and especially important clothes on hand - I ask bemused. I have learned this at my mother’s knee I say.

My friend gulped down his drink, drowning his sorrows.

If you are going to talk common sense, you will never get into this industry and anyways can you see big stars holding on to tons of luggage on hand? How will they sign autographs and wave at cameras and act gracious with 10 kilos of clothes?

He had a point.

If I were a celebrity THAT is far more important than luggage! Guess I am not cut out to be a celebrity then, as I am packing a change of clothes and expensive things right in my hand luggage. Thank you very much.

Sounds of Mumbai - a short poem

Sizzle of a roadside stall,
Shrill sounds of a crow's call,
Flutter of a blue plastic sheet,
Hurrying feet on the busy street...

Droning noise of a drilling machine,
Water drips against the yellow sheen,
Ring tone from a musical mobile,
A high-heel teetering by - in style...

Happy laughter of school kids,
Mingled with the shopkeepers bids,
The insistent temple bells jingle,
A caller tune for this man-made jungle!

Coffee experiences that stink

Coffee shops are proliferating all over the neighborhood, like moss on stones in rainy season. Their charges are without doubt exorbitant. When a Shiv Sagar or a Macs manages coffee for Rs.25 , these coffee 'experiences' charge us Rs.45- 70. One wonders then why they feel this urge to fleece those already paying such high prices.

Is it because they think that their customers who pay such high prices are fools and can be taken for a ride? I remember my experience in Bangalore in one of these aforementioned coffee shops. When we ordered Cappuccino, the waiter smiled and asked us what flavour we would like the drink in. Like lambs, we bleated out our favourite flavours. Only when he presented our bill did we find out that 'flavor' was an add-on.

A similar experience in Mumbai recently has left me seething. At a coffee shop, we stood at the orange-colored counter to place our order and were asked to go and seat ourselves. Someone would come to take the order. Weren't we surprised to discover an extra 70 odd bucks added to our bill - because we sat down and ordered? Cappuccino ordered at the counter and drunk sitting comes at Rs.46. But if you sit down and order it costs around Rs 75. What the hell?

So the next time you enter the hallowed portals of a coffee shop - be watchful, unless you don't mind paying for their innovative ways to fleece you.

Don't break your shoes - tread carefully

Just across my office window sits an old shoe repair guy. He sits in a cocoon of plastic, away from the rains and general hullabaloo. His cobble-ering tools are kept locked neatly in a wooden cupboard.

His interest is not in repairing shoes. He hates people who need their shoes repaired. They distract him from his primary activity of people watching. He frowns and declares that most things taken to him cannot be repaired and ought to be thrown away.

Then he gets back to people watching. There are enough exciting things going on in this street after all.
- A crow gets caught in a building and an ambulance is called.

- There are regular processions of Jains, Monks,Eunuchs, Teachers, Papad eaters, Weekend cricket association and Feminist movement associations and so on.

- There are violently fighting motorists who can't wait to get down and beat up the opposition for the merest scratch on their treasured vehicle.

- There are cinema actresses swishing past and gym-goers hobbling away...

What a treasure trove of humanity to study! The cobbler is definitely trying to complete a thesis on what he sees. Please don't break your shoes, watch where you put your foot in the rainy season. He will get disturbed.

A Soothing Rain poem

Another rainy day in Mumbai and another poem. This one is more soothing and relaxing than the earlier one which was about a more violent rain.

Drippy drizzly drowsy day,

Nibbling crispies at home, I stay.

Nursing a warm cup of tea and

Oh! What a rainy rainy day!

Washed window panes and roads

Soothing aromas of fresh leaves,

Cardomom and bay leaves,

Sneak up and caress my nose.

Curled up on a comfy sofa,

Nuzzling a cozy cushion

Reading a thrilling novel yet

Relaxing in a dreamy vision...

The real definition of Mumbai words

In Mumbai, here are the real definitions of public systems and
MUMBAI-

A crazy city with chain snatchers, train bombers, pick pockets , strong-willed politicians, party-mad celebrities but still Amchi Mumbai

CHAWL -

A housing arrangement for the poorer sections of society with dish antennas and Godrej bureaus sticking out of the metal roofs

ROAD - a barely-existent semi-flat part of the earth's surface where vehicles are supposed to travel.

GUTTER - The city's definition of living by the water-side or having a pool view.

BALCONY-
1. A useless place to store old cycles, broken furniture, clothes that don't fit etc.
2. Extra space provided by the builder to add to the space in the house.

AUTO -
A 3-wheeled vehicle that runs by itself and that runs in a zig-zag manner like a drunk snake

REAL ESTATE -
Space in the air where apartments used to stand but have collapsed

TREES -
As per birds, air conditioners are modern versions of trees
As per human beings, trees are green shady-providing things located only in weekend spots.

TAXIS-
A means of public transport where the driver refuses to drive you anywhere you want to go.

TRAINS -
Quick way to be flexible, agile and slim without going to a gym

BUSES -
A lesson in management concepts of: the art of hanging on by the fingertips, getting in and out Just-in-time etc.

CAR -
A very slow means of transport that guzzles expensive fuel and stalls in 2-feet of rain water every year, but still a must have

WINTER -
A time of year when we can actually wear our sweaters to air-conditioned malls and movie theaters

MOVIE THEATER -
The only getaway for working population that also cost the same as staying in a hotel in Lonavala overnight.

MALL -
A place for college kids and friends to hang out and a noisy place with the decibel levels of a rocket launch

and the final one.........
SKYWALK -
A shaky place that is close to heaven and hell and might get you there pretty quickly.
Students with low marks, wives weary of ill-treatment, husbands out of luck and money, the heartbroken are all headed here nowadays.

Rains = Onion Pakora and Masala Chai

Rainy seasons demands onion pakora and masala chai.

Here's the recipe of onion pakora the way I like it -crispy and spicy and simply too good when dipped in a good book.

Ingredients

2 onions cut in rings or into thin strips
2 spoons Besan or maida
1 spoon rice flour
1 spoon cornflour
Very small quantity of water
Add Chilli powder or chopped green Chilli for more spice
And salt for taste
Oil for frying

Put all the above ingredients in a bowl with just enough water so that they are mixed together. The taste of onion stands out this way and it doesn't become Bhajjia style (dripping with besan)

Deep fry till golden brown and enjoy.
For an added surprise element, you can put in some cashews. MMmmm can't wait for more rains

Mumbai Skywalker

Ever thought of flying over traffic jams in a helicopter? Well, while that is still not easily possible for us common people of Mumbai, the skywalks coming up – give some hope. Imagine coolly swishing over honking horns, rain logged roads, troubled pedestrians, violence prone dogs and frustrated brows! It will not only make a healthier populace but a less frustrated one. Like the evergreen character in Star Wars we can become Skywalkers - Mumbai Skywalkers ( remember Luke Skywalker?)

Us skywalkers will be happy, assuming of course that:

- There are more places to get on and get off these skywalks. I was unable to spot any staircases
- No hawkers are allowed on these skywalks – otherwise it would be like walking through a crowded market place outside any railway station
- No beggars, advertisers, thieves, marathon runners, policemen and pavement dwellers are allowed to get on it.

Sigh…what a beautiful dream it was, before I thought of all this.

Mumbai Sloshed

The city - Mumbai is drunk. There is water coming out of her ears. She is tired carrying the burden of millions of ungrateful humanity. But she is still beautiful - like a water colour painting.

Her bright lights look like god playing holi with the city. Mumbai in the rain is a lot like a prancing heorine in a coloured sari, singing and dancing, all the while being heedless of after effects...

Mumbai Weekend spot

If, like me, you are searching for a new and different place to spend your evenings or weekends - here is a unique place. It is the Aquarium and Boating at Vileparle West near Irla.

The boating is not the greatest of attractions, especially with the pre-monsoon showers turning into a full scale monsoon.

Neither is the aquarium so great as it is full of fish on the verge of strangulation. No idea when the tanks were last cleaned out...
Watch out for...
The cute little tortoise who is desperately trying to get out of the aquarium. That little fella has a couple of relatives outside in the aviary.

The aviary is the most exciting thing about this Aquarium and Boating place. There are some emus wandering around quite calmly (Not to be confused with ostriches). There are cockatoos, possibly some snow petrels, multi-hued parrots etc. Not a large collection but definitely a very interesting and colorful one.

A great place to take kids or an interesting outing for adults. I have been looking through Google and Wikipedia to understand the birds I saw there – because sadly they haven’t put up any information at all – not even the bird’s names!

P.S. Other exhibits include the common garden variety couples with no other place to go on a rainy day.

Logo change game

Its logo change season! Remember the time that serials like Jassi Jaisi… experimented with makeovers to increase their TRP? Companies in India too are going beserk changing their logo.

Godrej has put up its new and colorful logo (same font but 3 pleasing colours) all over. There are huge hoardings with no information except for the new logo. Thank you for adding colour to this dull city.


A second large and well-known organisation to change its logo is CEAT. It has lost all background and has suddenly emerged in the sunshine with just the words. Someone managed to eat up part of the ‘E’ though, the company obviously failed to notice it.

But what affects Mumbai most is its landmark and popular chain of stores - Shoppers Stop. What’s with them really? Their old logo looked pretty good, as it was. The new logo lacks character and looks like any of the thousands of brands that must be paying millions of rupees to stylish agencies. The colours are still the same - black and white. Imagine paying so much money to remove all character and uniqueness from your logo! Wonder why they did it - thus changing the face of this city as we know it for ever.

Splitter Splatter poem

Rains have started and ofcourse they call for a bit of poetry - rather than verse...

Splitter Splatter rain
Pounding on my roof
Whipping at the leaves
And banging on the cars

Battering down
From heavens above
Dashing to the ground
In islands of water.

Destroying, destructive,
Dancing sounds of fury
Oh! now its diminishing
Natures anger restrained.

Why Mumbais psychologists are confounded

Psychologists are now at their wits end as their profession has now become mostly guess work. What perpelexes them is the fact that people can no longer be diagnosed as mad or brain-impaired.

Wondering what I am bloggering about?

Well imagine any of the following scenarios and guess if the person is crazy or mentally-impaired...

1. Mental case: Person is seen often talking , arguing and laughing with himself (or herself) vociferously and in public places, even when there is not a soul nearby.

2. Psycho: Person talks in strange tongue and uses words like Blamestorming and boss-spasming

3. Amnesiac: Person calls same thing by different names each day - vada pav one day, bhim vada pav one day and goli vada pav another day. S/he calls everything from station to airport to housing society to road as Chhatrapati Shivaji.

4. Whacko: Person indulges in strange behaviors like tilting his head to the right while driving or walks with his head tilted to the left, groans in the simple act of sitting down and even cries when lifting a cup of coffee.

5. Utter fool: Person still crosses roads by running madly at dangerous intersections instead of using the subway provided

6. Illogical: Person types SMS in his mobile by holding it uncomfortably in front of his face


Indeed such strange behaviors instead of being indicator of mental health are indicators of a person up-to-date and modern in his life style. Here is the simple explanation for each...

1. Mental Case? Nah!! This is the simplest; He or she is talking on a mobile headset

2. Psycho? This is the latest jargon and with the invasion of laptops and computers in homes and offices, this is bound to happen.

3.Amnesiac: Politics and business in Mumbai is thus

4. Whacko Jacko? Poor man/woman has obviously been following rigorous exercise routine in gym or maybe even indulging in a bout of Krump or frump or other fad dance forms

5. Utter fool? No way! Subways are occupied by aggressive vendors. Who dares to enter their domain?

6. Not illogical but devious..this is the best way to take photos of an unsuspecting person!

No wonder psychologists no longer have an easy job!

Gutter sputter

Few days back I wrote about how the blooming Gulmohar trees are indicating the start of the rainy season. Well, here is the second indicator. BMC, concerned with the rising incidence of flooding within specific areas of the city are on a cleaning spree.

Or is it that, concerned with the increasing number of people who think that a sidewalk is actually for walking - BMC has decided to do its best to dissuade such health conscious populace?They have decided to clear out the gutters and fill up the side walks with rubble and gunk and goop from the gutters. May be it is their subtle way of telling us that we are putting in all the wrong things into the gutters - like milk cartons, ice-cream cups, plastic covers and other miscellany.

Whatever the reason, if you are walking, watch out - because the gutter sputters and its not hygenic by any means!

The Week Ends here

Have you as a Mumbai-ite seen how difficult it is to spend weekends when there are no good movies released that week?

What do you DO - really? Go look at Juhu or Chowpatty half a dozen times? Educational activities like visiting museums and parks or getting religious is reserved for when we get guests. Eating out is like sooo boring after drowning in cheese at Pizza Hut or getting crunchy with chinese or even spicy with thai! The same restaurants are there year around. Wheres the variety in life?

Puh-leaze don't mention the innumerable malls that spring up like mushrooms. Most of them have the same shops and many are not even affordable! Imagine buying from a wierdly named international shops ( I realised that this shop named like a stinky smell was not 'Bhas' but actually a vowel-free 'Bhs' )

No wonder so many of my acquaintance simply go out of town when they get half a chance!
Any suggestions for a bored family?

Battlestations ! Autos are here

The autos-wallahs in Mumbai are an amazing lot. Especially the ones you find in the airports or cinema theatres. You ask them to go to the nearby station, or Bandra or Andheri .... and they refuse.

The autos outside the airports have the excuse that they have been standing in queue for many hours and therefore they are entitled to get as much money out of the trips as they can.

But how about the autos outside cinema theatres and office complexes?

As it is, Mumbai has limits as to where autos can go. They can't go much beyond Mahim on one side. So think about it - do they expect passengers to Navi Mumbai all the time? How many people who want to go to Navi Mumbai and in their senses can you find outside a cinema hall in Bandra or Andheri( at the cost of some 200-300 Rs)?

The autos are really aliens in disguise sent to spy on us. Whatever else they do ...they refuse to take passengers anywhere ( which is what they are expected to do). They want only passengers who want to go to the moon. So that they can earn the maximum of course!

My theory is supported by the interiors of autos ( space ships) decorated with eyes or lips, mysterious references to GODS and their power, about the eyesight of the blind and best of all Anarkali...

A king crowns himself

He is the King of Business and he is showing it BIG time. He is building a royal palace for himself as opulent and extravagant as any king built in the ye ancient times to prove his worth.

From impossibly large stones of the Pyramids in Egypt to...
the lush palace in Luxembourg to ...
the white, gold and glass magnificence of French palace of Versailles to ...
the gold embossed Mysore palace ( with the famous gold throne)....
each King had his palace built ostentatiously. Each of their palaces showed off their might and power to their subjects and enemies.

The nature of the King has changed today. Real royalty and money and power is in the business world rather than in blue blood lines. True to form, the King of today's business world has conceived 'Antilla'. Photos, videos and email forwards galore create a flood no one can ignore.

His 5-star style, 28-floor, 4 lakh sq feet palace towers over the skyline of Mumbai - demanding attention. We poor Mumbai-ites of 700 sq feet homes bow in subjection and wonder. He is the king- Mukesh Ambani – for he has announced it in no uncertain terms.

Mumbai abloom

All ye poets rejoice. All ye nature lovers rejoice and all ye bored with dull gray facades of faded buildings behold!

In case you are wondering why I have gone mad or antiquated in my English, then, wonder no more. It is the season. Mayflowers or gulmohars as we call them here, are abloom, heralding the arrival of rains.

I don't want to get into talking about rains, because today I want to be positive. Positive - about this grave and busy city that bears heavy burdens daily. The city is a riot of colours now. Most buildings have at least one ill-treated gulmohar in its backyard.

So while swishing past in a cocoon of a car, or while hanging perilously out of a bus or even chugging off in a train, let your eyes take in the marvelous feast of eye-catching, orange-red colours and refresh your minds.

The future is underground

Normally, people and movies envision the future full of flying cars and vehicles, thus using space travel and flight as means of transportation. However, in Mumbai it seems that the future is not above but below. I am not talking about heaven and hell though I hope that comparison never applies!

There is a train going to be snaking down under you. Won't it be great if this ambitious project for Metro in Mumbai reduces the traffic on the roads? Or is the traffic saved going to be replaced with the influx of people into the city over the 3 years it will take to completely develop?

Interestingly, the first phase of the Metro is going to be in densely popluated and over-trafficed area (pardon the word) of Andheri east MIDC. Having passed through the same area today, I can only sigh with relief at the development. Cars and vehicles stood stationery for half an hour!

I remember when the WE Highway bridge in Andheri East was built. It used to take me upto 2 hours to get to Andheri West. The only consolation of people stuck up in that kind of traffic jam was that once the bridge was completed, we would see a tremendous decrease in traffic density there.

Yes, it was true. The traffic jams reduced from what it was WHEN THE bridge was being constructed. It went back to what it was before - because in peak hours there are hardly 10 vehicles using the god-forsaken useless bridge built with such fan-fare. Let's hope that this road-block causing Metro does not cause this kind of havoc and trouble to poor working class citizens of Mumbai!

Open gutters - an open issue

It is not a mere gurgle of a river. It is the coughing and sputtering of a polluted brown muddy sewer. Nowhere else have I ever come across an abomination like this and I don't have simple words in which to describe it.

It raises stink of 20 dead rats and its murky depths contain plastic and all other sorts of unmentionable debris. My blog will probably get instantly taken down for disgusting content if I tried to describe it more in detail.

This open gutter system is a real threat. Come rains, it bubbles out, and gently cleans our feet in a deadly caress. Or should I say it turns us into dead carcass?

The amazing view of this seething cauldron of hell can be seen from many apartments in many places. I guess the residents of such apartments just tell themselves that they have a great "water" view. I hope that since it is moving water, it does not double up as a breeding place for mosquitoes!

Road Safety Bulletin Boards - Safe or Scared?

We have heard all this before. We are in the information age, we are an information society, information is now available at our finger tips etc. Well, if you have been struck up at a traffic signal recently, you would have seen the Mumbai Traffic Police, reaching out to you with road safety information.

Just yesterday, I saw the signe which told me in no uncertain terms that I could not park my vehicle near Wankhede stadium. From this helpful bulletin I derived the information that there was an IPL cricket match going on there. No wonder there was no space to park with the entire Bollywood and SENSEX movers and shakers parked out there.

The other message that blinked in my face as I travelled away from Bandra was quite threatening. The bulletin board screamed out the number of people arrested and with suspended licenses for drunk driving. This really psyched me out. Were there this many people around, who were drunk and driving? I looked around cautiously, checking my sideview mirror. Nope. No swerving maniac there.

The road had become even more dangerous than the odd potholes. There are the kangaroo jumpers as well. Have you seen these kangaroo jumpers? When they are crossing the road and they see a car coming down at great speed, and they can't decide whether to go ahead or go back. So they jump back and forth like kangaroos.

Imagine these kangaroo jumpers jumping back and forth while the 4000 drunk drivers also drive weaving from left to right. It is statisically possible to have the kangaroo and drunk collide somewhere between a back jump and a left swing.

These bulletin boards are definitely thought-provoking.

Vada Pav again

Not too long back- 10 days to be exact, I blogged about Vada Pav being like Mumbai. You can read the blog here
Apparently others were thinking along the same lines ( or they read my blog and got influenced by it) . Todays DNA carries an article about Vada Pav being renamed to Shiv Vada Pav - because Vada Pav is ( guess what) synonymous to Mumbai !! What a concidence!

Someone is watching you!

Someone is watching you all the time. Wherever you are, whatever you are doing. But don't worry; it is not the big brother. It is the incongruous but ever-present being in our life - the Pigeons. They are present everywhere!

Pigeons are no low-class citizens. They belong to the upper-crust of society. Cramped corners just don't suit their needs. They need air-conditioners - the top of it. I can't count the number of twigs, wires and hair particles dropped into the AC. All in the name of building that high-quality wind-resistant nest.

If you are bothered by any of them- just wait till the eggs hatch out. Constant squawks, screeches, knocks, bumps will keep you engaged once the little chicks are out. You begin to feel like you are in a cage in a zoo and those chicks are constantly watching you for fun. To make the nest even stronger and dust resistant, the Pigeons put in goop, muck, feathers and other such invaluable and expensive components. When the chicks are big enough and fly away its time to clean up the mess and it’s terrible. The smell, the colour and the dust is enough to make you vacate the house rather than clean it!

Glittering paradise

It was 5 years back that I was in Cairo. The shopping-eating-living in malls was a prevalent practice there. What amazed me was the number of shops carrying ladies apparel and accessories. Tons of shops carried similar clothes, similar shoes, similar jewellery, similar hair care products - you get the picture.

Today, it seems that Mumbai is in the same rut. I step out of home and almost trip over a dozen shoe shops and breeze past twenty dress shops. Artifical glitter from the bags and jewellery shops hurt my eyes. Coloured contact lenses, clothes as seen in some movie or the other, accessories as seen in some pathetic tear-filled mother-in-law / daughter-in-law serial....

The street is full of ladies stuff and not just the street but the malls too. Who is really buying all this glitter, glamour and gloss? Are that many million ladies in Mumbai replacing their wardrobe on a monthly basis? Are they really buying large unbelievably-shaped bags that cost a couple of thousand rupees to match 3-inch heeled party shoes?

One thing is clear. India is shining- at least from the artificial glitter in the shops!

Discount minded public

Food bazaar has a concept called Wednesday bazaar. Wednesdays were apparently dull days there till this concept came along. Now there is nothing dull about being a mid-week shopper. The trolley traffic inside food bazaar is more than traffic on the roads on a Sunday evening. Ladies of all sizes and shapes and vocational pursuits pursue that 'best' buy and discounted items.

Potatoes and onions are made shamelessly available at 'Baap ke zamaane ka daam'. The 'buy one get one free', buy X and get Y free is so attractive that most people buy things they just don't need. Liquid handwash, turkey towels and other such usless items have become a staple at home because of these fabulous deals. In fact my mom-in-law flat out refuses to buy washing powder without getting the '1 bucket' free. The population of buckets in my home is more than stray dogs in Mumbai and then some.

This habit for shopping for discounts has extended to other shops as well. Now, I can't buy my son a toy in the toy shop without asking for discount. Food Bazzar has conditioned me to become ' Discount- minded'. My servant too needs to do atleast 1 additional free task a week. On the net, emails and softwares need to be free. Otherwise I don't download them.

People already consider movies to be available at discounted rates and hence buy 4 movies in a pirated DVD or books at quarter price on the roadsides!

Given this frenzy and mania for discount deals, maternity hospitals have begun to be deluged with parents asking for 1 kid free. People want left kidney operation for free along with the right kidney operation. Dentists are forced to pull out an extra tooth for free. Flights are already working with 50% off on seat sizes. Things are going to only get better from here on.

P.S. Just to keep you all discount-minded readers out there happy - here is the good news...
This blog post is absolutely free for all those who have read all the other posts.

Sights to see - Mumbai Local

The floor is strewn with papers and food items like the remanants of a large party. As the wind blows the papers russle and food leftovers roll around. People who mistakenly step into the area shrug with disgust and then indifference. After all they are also here as contributors to the mess. The mess is for them to make and for the cleaners to clean. They were not responsible for cleaniless of someone else's place!So they put thier feet up in disdain and leave their footprints on the opposite seats. Those seats don't belong to them either. So what do they care who uses the seats next?

Meanawhile, having seen the abundance of availability of food, creatures down the food chain have decided to make their home just there. A couple of rats,unknown number of roaches, spiders , ants and bacteria as well are well settled in this place. Once in a while - distant cousins, aunts uncles and various relatives visit from poorer environs. Once they see the abundance
available in this place - they are reluctant to ever leave. Some times even scrawny beggar boys come to plunder and share the loot.

This is heaven. This is the first class ladies compartment of a Bombay Local.

Now why only first class,you ask? And why not. Anywhere else sundry creatures would be crushed to smithereens by the stampeding populace. There is hardly enough room to breathe in there. Those that are not crushed die of suffocation and those still surviving die of starvation. Who is a brave man who when standing in a general compartment - can take out even the most miserly candy bar to eat? Especially while standing on one foot like a Yogi in his tapasya and holding on to his nieghbours shirt sleeves? So that rules out the availability of proper living conditions in the general compartment.

The general First class compartment too is similarly afflicted. There a man can just about stand on two feet. If he started pulling out eatables from his pockets he may end up in a fight with his
fellow-travellers. They will be in the danger of falling right out of the compartment if someone starts occupying so much space for himself.

So it is in the luxorius ladies first class compartment where ladies tired from their day at office and girls tired from chattering on their mobiles..relax..and take out the crunchy bhel - or vada pav and generously leave behind left-overs for the future. It is there that a police woman stationed to guard the public sits with her spinach and cutting board. Afterall which ruffian will
dare attack a ladies compartment guarded by a policewoman with a large kitchen knife?

It is there, that when a shrieking lady locates a reptile or a rodent- all feet automatically go up on the seat in front. So if some lady asks you - what are the interesting sites to see in Mumbai- you know what to suggest! Afterall, one of the most intriguing places where you can expect the unexpeted - is the first class ladies compartment in a Mumbai Local.

Mubmai beaches back in action

It is nice to see the beaches in Mumbai so clean now. I remember giong to Juhu a few yeards back for an immersion. The beach was full of plastic. It was like sitting on a giant garbage bin!

The water is still a little muddy though. Guess civic authorities can't do much about that - can they? Aleast there is no need to feel ashamed of taking a visitor from another city to see the beach. Let us hope these beaches remain this way!

All about toilets and no humour about it

One of my friends had this habit. Wherever she went she would first check out the toilet in the place and drag me along as well. "The state of the toilets give the right idea about quality of the place" she would say. So, whether it was the bus stand or a five star restaurant, the first place we would ask for and check out was the discrete "ladies room".

Having checked out many with her and continuing her habit ( but without that kind of religious fervour) I have come to the conclusion she is right. A place may present a upmarket and classy exterior, but the state of tiolets - unclean, unserviced, without tissue papers, with insufficient staff, give them away. A down-to-earth looking place is boosted by clean and well-maintained bathrooms.

You can judge the quality of Mumbai malls too with this barometer. Malls which are well managed, have toilets that are well managed. Stinky toilets are a dead giveaway of stinky management. So clean up your act - all you show-offy malls with bad bathrooms! Get more cleaning staff assigned - please don't let those dirty stinky brown toilets take away from the pleasure of a leisurely shopping session.

Mumbai attitude - do we have the right attitude to succeed

The success and future of a person or even a city depends on its attitude.
There are 2 types of people and cities :

1. the 'what I did' types

2.'what i am' types

The 'What I did's are so focused on their past achievements and successes, that they fail to think of what they need to keep succeeding in the future. Think of England in 1900s, so set up in their own greatness that they thought that the sun set and rose on their empire. Where are they a 100 years hence?

The U.S. is going through this phase now. The 'What I did' phase. Japan too seems to have gone through the 'What I did' phase- look how much we have succeeded after being compeletely destroyed in the world war.

The other is the 'What I am' types. Their achievements are not in the limelight all the time. Rather, they know what they are from what they have learnt from their achievements and failures.

Take France, and their pride in themselves and their country. They too have lost a large part of their territories like England. But those territories was not what made them strong but their idea of themselves and what they are. Take any great leader you know of. Once s/he becomes bound up in telling of historical successes rather than having an idea of where they have reached and looking for the way forward, they begin to lose track.

Let's get to Mumbai. Are we stuck in 'what I did' phase where we are proud of being the financial capital and an amazing cultural pot purri? Or are we in 'What I am' phase? Where we realize our faults of being intolerant to certain communities sometimes, but take pride in the courage of Mumbai-ites after any disaster?

You decide...

Mumbai vada pav

A vada pav is symbolic of this city - Mumbai. Here's 5 reasons why...

1. Its sweet, its sour, its hot and spicy like a mixture of people from different backgrounds and beliefs - all of whom get together to create a unique whole.
2. Its flexible - it can eaten in a restaurant or standing by the road side or on the go in the train.
Its probably quite unhealthy too - just like life in this over-populated and over-polluted city.
Its inimitable and it just doesn't taste the same in any other party of this country.

3. In a city where tall buildings are flanked by slums, so too do vada pav shops cater to everyone from the moneyed to the beggars.

4. Like all those people from smaller towns with dreams in their eyes who travel to this city of riches - making and selling vada pav too has made many a road side vendor wealthy!

5. Finally, like Mumbai is compared to Hollywood so is Vada Pav compared to its western counterpart - the burger!

Go ahead, enjoy one today! Running to catch the train or fighting to climb the corporate ladder or selling fake books on the streets will work all that fat off!

Mobile Mania

A thief was looking sad. His friend asked him what the matter was,
"I lost my phone!" the thief repled despondently
"Did someone steal it?" the other asked laughing.
"You see, I went into a house in the middle of the night to steal. I forgot to put my phone on vibrate mode.When it rang..."
"...it woke up everyone?"
"Not just that! There were 4 people in that house and they all thought it was their mobile phone ringing. They jumped on me screaming 'its my call' I had to throw the phone down and run away"
This is a joke. But it might as well be true. I have been to many countries and never yet seen people as obsessed with cell phones as in India. Here, we keep it under the pillow when sleeping, in the shower when bathing and forget it in the toilet too.

We are like overprotective parents to a baby. We carry the responsibility everywhere. We encourage it to have as many features as possible. We compare it to that of our friends.

Now, come to think of it, when will we have the make-it-yourself mobile? I pick the design, I pick the features " I want bluetooth, I dont want FM radio, I want mp3 player and video recorder, I want 10 Mega pixel camera. Please put it all together and tell me the charge."

Nokia and Motorola are you listening ?

I am a robot a spam robot

Well, thats what the Google guys thought. They blocked my blog and curbed by creativity for a couple of days because they were under the impression that I am a spam blog. Whatever that may be - because the website containing the desciption refused to load.
That set me thinking why would these people at Google think that I was a junk generating machine?
- That must be because I just sit at the computer and automatially generate all kinds of blogs?
- I type so fast that I seem automated
- That is their automatic reaction to anyone who writes more than 1 blog in 2 days
- My thoughts are as dumb as that of a robot
- So many people are emailing my blog to each other that it has become spam

...and all other kinds of rubbish. Anyway I am a real live human being typing out my thoughts. People at Blogger and Google please give me a break! Otherwise I will open up 22 other blogs in all different names and post same articles everywhere. Just to get even.

Chase away the cheap car

There is a small cheap car going to hit the roads this year end and I am scared. As if we didn't have enough vehicles on the road, now cars are so affordable that those with mobile phones can buy it. That is saying something - as I don't know anyone who does not have a mobile phone. Not the auto driver, not the guy who cleans out the garbage from my building. If they can own and operate a phone, they can probably afford a driving license too.

The million vehicles out on the Mumbai roads is just going to become 5 million. Because now every kid will want one as soon as he is 18. Every couple will want another one for the spouse.
Maybe this price rise in fuel is a good thing. People will be able to afford cars but they wont be able to afford to keep it running. Maybe the price rise in land is a great thing. People can afford a car but can't afford parking space. Imagine - such a small cute car would need proper sparking and heavy security. After all, a couple of thieves together can just carry it away. Ban it in cities - I say.

But wait a minute! With such small cars, imagine how easy the rainy season will be for pedestrians. Nowadays, the first to get stuck are those classic Maruti 800s. Post launch of small cars...it will be them. So you get on to the road, hop from one stranded car to another and you reach home. No need to worry about potholes or open manholes either.

Small cheap cars - come do your worst! Mumbai is ready for you.

Mumbai - The Cloud city

If you live in Mumbai, you would know what I mean. Dust - dust and more dust is flying around. All of it caused by these new buildings - being constructed and old building being destructed. Or is it self-destruction ....since these old buildings seem to be collapsing themselves without any assistance?

There are building coming up in crannies which you never imagined existed. One fine day you pass by a place and there is shiny new residence or office space! In Bandra, when I looked for one of my favourite restaurants, all I found an offensively new red mall. The landscape is changing like one of those movie scenes where they show clouds moving in fast forward.

It is fine if it just changes. But think of all the dust and cement that these building construction is spewing out! In Dubai, you can see the same amount of construction. But aleast they are careful on covering the construction sites to minimise dust floating around.

You can imagine Mumbai a few years from now. People walking around with oxygen masks, coughing and with headlamps fixed on their pained heads and an umbrella in hand.
How else will they survive the dust pollution, falling debri and lack of visibility? Even now there is white dust from marble polishing that is swirling outside my window. It feels like I am staying in a cloud - surrounded by (extremly harmful) white mist!

By the time I wrote this post, another building has fallen! The number of buildings constructed is surely overtaking even number of children born in India!