President Obama has taken over at White House or should I say, Black house or colored house if you want to be politically correct. How does this affect us at Mumbai you ask?
It does, it does.
Lack of humor: We who have been finding exquisite humor in putting down Bush no longer have a target. I mean no one can make funny faces like him. Just search for the word Funny or idiotic in Google and you will see only images of Bush. Bush reading a book upside down, Bush making a statement and forgetting what he said and on and on…
No more ‘stray’ dogs: Obama has taken all this talk about getting rid of stray dogs seriously and resolved the issue by adopting one. There is news that many strays are missing from their usual haunts of vice and are spending their days nibbling delicacies and having shampoo treatments at various mansions. The number of cases of dog bites and rabies have gone up proportionately at Breach Candy, Lilavati and other such hospitals frequented by the elite.
Recession Fashion: Not just the President, but the first lady too has changed our lives and perception of fashion. People are flocking to shops to buy ‘recession’ fashion at god-knows-how-many thousand rupees. Recession is the new IN. Cost is no barrier.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Mad dogs - proving insanity
The new ruling on street dogs? They can be put down. But only if they are certifiably insane. How does one certify them as insane? What constitutes unreasonable behavior?
Here is the transcript below from the latest court case, where the lawyer defended a set of dogs sentenced to death.
Your honor, the following characteristics would indicate sane behavior and such dogs should be pardoned and not sentenced to death...
1. Barking at cars. Why? Because all dogs do bark at passing cars. That's why. If they only bark at particular type of cars- it means they are intelligent. How many human beings can identify car brands? If they bark only at particular car colors - it means, very clearly that they are not color blind. Simple.
2. Scaring school children and car drivers : Dogs by definition are unpredictable. Are they going to cross the road or not? Are they barking at me or someone else ? If they are not scaring someone with strange unpredictable behavior, they are insane.
3. Having a hole in the head. If you can see the dogs brain from just looking at it, obviously it is not brainless. Therefore, it cannot be classified as loco or cuckoo or mad or as not in full possession of its faculties. Whats funny?
4. Foaming at the mouth. If a dog is foaming at the mouth, it is apparently brushing its teeth daily and has forgotten to gargle properly. Don't we also make such mistakes? Such cleanliness can be expected only from those who are very conscious of the old saying- cleanliness being next to godliness. Such knowledge and personal hygiene indicate that the dog is perfectly sane. Same as you or me.
At this point, the judge said "Bow wow" or "Boo hoo" or something to that effect and lawyer rested his case, with these words:
Therefore, no dog, mongrel, cur or otherwise may be put to death for all above behaviors/ characteristics. That's all your honour.
Here is the transcript below from the latest court case, where the lawyer defended a set of dogs sentenced to death.
Your honor, the following characteristics would indicate sane behavior and such dogs should be pardoned and not sentenced to death...
1. Barking at cars. Why? Because all dogs do bark at passing cars. That's why. If they only bark at particular type of cars- it means they are intelligent. How many human beings can identify car brands? If they bark only at particular car colors - it means, very clearly that they are not color blind. Simple.
2. Scaring school children and car drivers : Dogs by definition are unpredictable. Are they going to cross the road or not? Are they barking at me or someone else ? If they are not scaring someone with strange unpredictable behavior, they are insane.
3. Having a hole in the head. If you can see the dogs brain from just looking at it, obviously it is not brainless. Therefore, it cannot be classified as loco or cuckoo or mad or as not in full possession of its faculties. Whats funny?
4. Foaming at the mouth. If a dog is foaming at the mouth, it is apparently brushing its teeth daily and has forgotten to gargle properly. Don't we also make such mistakes? Such cleanliness can be expected only from those who are very conscious of the old saying- cleanliness being next to godliness. Such knowledge and personal hygiene indicate that the dog is perfectly sane. Same as you or me.
At this point, the judge said "Bow wow" or "Boo hoo" or something to that effect and lawyer rested his case, with these words:
Therefore, no dog, mongrel, cur or otherwise may be put to death for all above behaviors/ characteristics. That's all your honour.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Malls Malls
Mumbai is turning in a mall city and no doubt. Mumbais favourite song? 'Mall mall mein hum tu karein dhamal!'
By the weekend there are a thousands of people pouring through the doors of each one - spilling out onto the walkways and lining up at the security check.
The latest and hep-est one is no doubt the Oberoi Mall at Goregaon East - just off the highway. If you haven't yet been to see it, you should NOW. I can't tell you the colour of the building - because it is ever changing. No really, it does change every few seconds. Someone has brilliantly created a edifice that stands out in the night reflecting different colours, giving that feeling of celebration and life that we associate with Diwali.
The mall is spacious enough that you don't feel overcrowded, even though there are people streaming through it. It offers something for everyone in the family and I can't wait for the bookstore to open. Crosswords is under construction on the top floor.
The foodcourt is fabulous with the standard as well as the unique food fare available. Restaurants like Kailash Parbat and Sanskriti make their presence felt in every single mall. But Falafel, KFC, Crepetia and Sizzlers are not available everywhere for sure.
For those with kids to entertain over the holidays, the kids videogames and fun section is there on the top floor, buzzing with activity. Definitely a place for family to enjoy.
By the weekend there are a thousands of people pouring through the doors of each one - spilling out onto the walkways and lining up at the security check.
The latest and hep-est one is no doubt the Oberoi Mall at Goregaon East - just off the highway. If you haven't yet been to see it, you should NOW. I can't tell you the colour of the building - because it is ever changing. No really, it does change every few seconds. Someone has brilliantly created a edifice that stands out in the night reflecting different colours, giving that feeling of celebration and life that we associate with Diwali.
The mall is spacious enough that you don't feel overcrowded, even though there are people streaming through it. It offers something for everyone in the family and I can't wait for the bookstore to open. Crosswords is under construction on the top floor.
The foodcourt is fabulous with the standard as well as the unique food fare available. Restaurants like Kailash Parbat and Sanskriti make their presence felt in every single mall. But Falafel, KFC, Crepetia and Sizzlers are not available everywhere for sure.
For those with kids to entertain over the holidays, the kids videogames and fun section is there on the top floor, buzzing with activity. Definitely a place for family to enjoy.
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Baggage worries
This reporter friend of mine is a very helpful friend.
I have been grapling with achieveing fame in Bollywood and have had very little success so far. Afterall in this city of big dreams and small Shakeels
I was there on Page 3 a couple of times. It was me, holding drinks and standing behind Dharmendra and a sinfully happy Hema. It was my back visible behind the photo of an unhappy Kat on her birthday. My reporter friend tells me, it is just not enough.
'You need to travel, babe' he says shaking his head sadly - because he knows I can’t afford it right now.
What’s the point in traveling? Will it make me famous?
'Haven’t you seen the papers recently?' he asks twirling his bloody drink.
‘Fame is all about losing your baggage with all your belongings which you just can't do without on the flight,’ he says.
But, isn't it common sense to carry change of clothes on hand and especially important clothes on hand - I ask bemused. I have learned this at my mother’s knee I say.
My friend gulped down his drink, drowning his sorrows.
If you are going to talk common sense, you will never get into this industry and anyways can you see big stars holding on to tons of luggage on hand? How will they sign autographs and wave at cameras and act gracious with 10 kilos of clothes?
He had a point.
If I were a celebrity THAT is far more important than luggage! Guess I am not cut out to be a celebrity then, as I am packing a change of clothes and expensive things right in my hand luggage. Thank you very much.
I have been grapling with achieveing fame in Bollywood and have had very little success so far. Afterall in this city of big dreams and small Shakeels
I was there on Page 3 a couple of times. It was me, holding drinks and standing behind Dharmendra and a sinfully happy Hema. It was my back visible behind the photo of an unhappy Kat on her birthday. My reporter friend tells me, it is just not enough.
'You need to travel, babe' he says shaking his head sadly - because he knows I can’t afford it right now.
What’s the point in traveling? Will it make me famous?
'Haven’t you seen the papers recently?' he asks twirling his bloody drink.
‘Fame is all about losing your baggage with all your belongings which you just can't do without on the flight,’ he says.
But, isn't it common sense to carry change of clothes on hand and especially important clothes on hand - I ask bemused. I have learned this at my mother’s knee I say.
My friend gulped down his drink, drowning his sorrows.
If you are going to talk common sense, you will never get into this industry and anyways can you see big stars holding on to tons of luggage on hand? How will they sign autographs and wave at cameras and act gracious with 10 kilos of clothes?
He had a point.
If I were a celebrity THAT is far more important than luggage! Guess I am not cut out to be a celebrity then, as I am packing a change of clothes and expensive things right in my hand luggage. Thank you very much.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Sounds of Mumbai - a short poem
Sizzle of a roadside stall,
Shrill sounds of a crow's call,
Flutter of a blue plastic sheet,
Hurrying feet on the busy street...
Droning noise of a drilling machine,
Water drips against the yellow sheen,
Ring tone from a musical mobile,
A high-heel teetering by - in style...
Happy laughter of school kids,
Mingled with the shopkeepers bids,
The insistent temple bells jingle,
A caller tune for this man-made jungle!
Shrill sounds of a crow's call,
Flutter of a blue plastic sheet,
Hurrying feet on the busy street...
Droning noise of a drilling machine,
Water drips against the yellow sheen,
Ring tone from a musical mobile,
A high-heel teetering by - in style...
Happy laughter of school kids,
Mingled with the shopkeepers bids,
The insistent temple bells jingle,
A caller tune for this man-made jungle!
Friday, July 25, 2008
Coffee experiences that stink
Coffee shops are proliferating all over the neighborhood, like moss on stones in rainy season. Their charges are without doubt exorbitant. When a Shiv Sagar or a Macs manages coffee for Rs.25 , these coffee 'experiences' charge us Rs.45- 70. One wonders then why they feel this urge to fleece those already paying such high prices.
Is it because they think that their customers who pay such high prices are fools and can be taken for a ride? I remember my experience in Bangalore in one of these aforementioned coffee shops. When we ordered Cappuccino, the waiter smiled and asked us what flavour we would like the drink in. Like lambs, we bleated out our favourite flavours. Only when he presented our bill did we find out that 'flavor' was an add-on.
A similar experience in Mumbai recently has left me seething. At a coffee shop, we stood at the orange-colored counter to place our order and were asked to go and seat ourselves. Someone would come to take the order. Weren't we surprised to discover an extra 70 odd bucks added to our bill - because we sat down and ordered? Cappuccino ordered at the counter and drunk sitting comes at Rs.46. But if you sit down and order it costs around Rs 75. What the hell?
So the next time you enter the hallowed portals of a coffee shop - be watchful, unless you don't mind paying for their innovative ways to fleece you.
Is it because they think that their customers who pay such high prices are fools and can be taken for a ride? I remember my experience in Bangalore in one of these aforementioned coffee shops. When we ordered Cappuccino, the waiter smiled and asked us what flavour we would like the drink in. Like lambs, we bleated out our favourite flavours. Only when he presented our bill did we find out that 'flavor' was an add-on.
A similar experience in Mumbai recently has left me seething. At a coffee shop, we stood at the orange-colored counter to place our order and were asked to go and seat ourselves. Someone would come to take the order. Weren't we surprised to discover an extra 70 odd bucks added to our bill - because we sat down and ordered? Cappuccino ordered at the counter and drunk sitting comes at Rs.46. But if you sit down and order it costs around Rs 75. What the hell?
So the next time you enter the hallowed portals of a coffee shop - be watchful, unless you don't mind paying for their innovative ways to fleece you.
Friday, July 4, 2008
Don't break your shoes - tread carefully
Just across my office window sits an old shoe repair guy. He sits in a cocoon of plastic, away from the rains and general hullabaloo. His cobble-ering tools are kept locked neatly in a wooden cupboard.
His interest is not in repairing shoes. He hates people who need their shoes repaired. They distract him from his primary activity of people watching. He frowns and declares that most things taken to him cannot be repaired and ought to be thrown away.
Then he gets back to people watching. There are enough exciting things going on in this street after all.
- A crow gets caught in a building and an ambulance is called.
- There are regular processions of Jains, Monks,Eunuchs, Teachers, Papad eaters, Weekend cricket association and Feminist movement associations and so on.
- There are violently fighting motorists who can't wait to get down and beat up the opposition for the merest scratch on their treasured vehicle.
- There are cinema actresses swishing past and gym-goers hobbling away...
What a treasure trove of humanity to study! The cobbler is definitely trying to complete a thesis on what he sees. Please don't break your shoes, watch where you put your foot in the rainy season. He will get disturbed.
His interest is not in repairing shoes. He hates people who need their shoes repaired. They distract him from his primary activity of people watching. He frowns and declares that most things taken to him cannot be repaired and ought to be thrown away.
Then he gets back to people watching. There are enough exciting things going on in this street after all.
- A crow gets caught in a building and an ambulance is called.
- There are regular processions of Jains, Monks,Eunuchs, Teachers, Papad eaters, Weekend cricket association and Feminist movement associations and so on.
- There are violently fighting motorists who can't wait to get down and beat up the opposition for the merest scratch on their treasured vehicle.
- There are cinema actresses swishing past and gym-goers hobbling away...
What a treasure trove of humanity to study! The cobbler is definitely trying to complete a thesis on what he sees. Please don't break your shoes, watch where you put your foot in the rainy season. He will get disturbed.
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